


Bad Habits

by Impetus



Series: Together [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Break Up Attempt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Smut, shance, she/her pronouns for pidge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-28 16:15:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10135793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impetus/pseuds/Impetus
Summary: For the first time, Lance is asked to stay.





	

**Author's Note:**

> If you'd prefer it, the smut starts toward the end of the fic. Everything beforehand was written because it's what I wanted.  
> I wrote this mostly as a piece of catharsis.  
> I wanted to give closure to Shiro and Lance.  
> I also wanted closure for myself.  
> This is what I ended up with.  
> I hope this gives you the resolution that it gave me.

Lance had a bad habit. At least that's what Hunk insisted on calling it anyway. But Lance saw it more as a...service, if you will. To put it in simple terms, he couldn’t in good conscious hold anyone back. He wanted what was best for them and those they cared for. So he would never hold on to someone who he needed to let go. Least of all the person he loved. 

“So, I’m sorry, Shiro. I just. I don’t think it’ll work out,” Lance smiled crookedly. His hand clutched at the jacket he wore against his better judgement; one that Shiro had gifted him just a couple days ago. An early present, he’d called it. For their first anniversary. The day after today. It’d all be over by then. “I just wanted to return this to you.” Shiro said nothing, making no moves to accept the jacket either. 

Lance’s insides clawed at themselves as he saw the obvious hurt on Shiro’s face. No, this was for Shiro’s own good. Lance’s eyes frantically dipped away. He knew that Shiro said that he loved him and knew that Shiro treated him with so much kindness and tenderness and an all consuming passion that simmered below the surface of his calm and mature exterior. He knew that Shiro never made him feel like he needed to doubt himself or their relationship.

But he also knew the way others looked at Shiro. 

It was a long time coming, really. Lance appreciated how Allura talked to Shiro with such respect, turning to him for advice even though she was so fiercely independent. He loved how Hunk always came to Shiro with a new device or a new dish, confident and excited to share with someone he knew would genuinely be invested in his work. Seeing Pidge’s face light up around Shiro, her trust that he would always provide her with honest feedback and sound judgement made Lance so proud. Most of all, he saw the way Keith relied on Shiro. Shiro who was his whole world for so long. Shiro who still was so much of Keith’s world. 

Lance wasn’t blind. Keith automatically looked for Shiro upon entering any room and Shiro did much of the same. They were always watching out for each other. It was something Lance admired. And it was something that Lance couldn’t help but feel a bitter gnawing resentment for. Shiro had assured him that there was nothing to worry about, but the unimpressed looks Keith had given him from the get go had never quite left Lance’s mind. 

“This is the guy you wanted me to meet?” Keith had asked, brow raised and eyes narrowed as he openly appraised the lanky boy in front of him. Lance bristled immediately. A small voice in the back of his mind whispered that they’d met before in a class they had together and that it was no surprise that Keith didn’t remember. Lance chose to ignore it. Kind of.

“It is if you cut the attitude, mullet.” 

“Yes, this is Lance.” Shiro immediately stepped between the two, placing one hand on the small of Lance’s back and the other on Keith’s shoulder. Lance’s lip jutted out and he promptly turned away. Wow, the sky sure was interesting today. He heard Keith scoff. Inwardly, Lance shriveled at the disdainful sound. 

After he and Shiro had met and started dating, Shiro had mentioned Keith. “He’s very important to me, and I’d love for you to meet him.” The words had both filled Lance with joy and gifted him with the churning of a powerful storm. The howling rains that curled in his gut and climbed up his spine where they nourished the negative thoughts he hid in the back of his mind. 

Leading up to this moment, Lance had wanted everything to go well. He wanted so badly to impress Keith. Keith was so important to Shiro. And Shiro was important to Lance, which meant that Keith was important to Lance. So all of the quiet moments between Keith and Lance and all the bickering began to take their toll. Even as Keith started to warm up to Lance and likewise. And Keith started to spend more time with them. With everybody. Lance watched quietly, thoughts hidden behind the presence of his voice. 

Bad habits.

Habits that brought him here. Unable to look his soon to be ex-boyfriend in the eyes. Habits that tore into his body and suspended him in a stasis of uncertainty. Of feeling like he was never enough. 

Keith was so good at everything. He was naturally skilled at so many things. Despite his abrasive personality, everyone loved and respected him and his opinion. Authority didn’t agree with him, but apparently after Shiro had taken an unexpected disappearing act, the guy ended up in a shack in the middle of nowhere at the tender age of 17. Lance bit his lip in sympathy every time he thought about it, but In the end, he didn’t just survive. Keith came out of it with his friend back in his life and an even larger arsenal of skills under the crusted greasy surface. A surface that apparently washed away and left Keith looking like he’d stepped out of an 80s fitness magazine. As time passed, Keith began to talk to Lance more and more, leaning on him in a way that made guilt weigh in his stomach. 

He knew that Shiro had tried to get Keith to warm up to Lance, and the jealousy swelled whenever he saw Shiro’s fond but tense looks when he saw them together. Knowing that Keith meant no harm, but was everything that Shiro deserved and everything Lance could not provide. A long history and a cemented relationship still standing after arduous struggle. Confident, competent, and reckless. Beautiful in a dangerous way that made Lance’s less conventional appeal wilt as stress bowed his back and smothered the brightness that used to be reflected on the dewiness of his skin. Keith’s expressions of relief every time Shiro laughed. He noticed Keith shooting him small smiles as their friendship grew stronger, unaware of the insurmountable bitterness he could barely keep inside. Lance could almost mistake his attentiveness toward Keith for a positive thing if it didn’t threaten to swallow him alive. 

Lance had proclaimed them rivals. The beginning of their frosty relationship before it grew an odd life of its own. Thinking back, he wasn’t sure if it was because of desperation to make a connection or because he genuinely felt like they were on an even keel. He didn’t think it’d result in the surrender of the one he loved the most. Of Shiro. 

Shiro who had smiled so beautifully at him when Lance tripped over his own feet and spilled coffee all over his new and regrettably expensive jacket. The warmth of Shiro’s left hand and the coolness of his right scalding against Lance’s skin as he helped Lance shrug it off, leaving a mark Lance knew he could never rub away. Shiro who looked at him seriously when he apologised for the splash zone and laughed kindly when he cracked the first pick up line he could think of. The somewhat too-kind, too-patient, too-moderate, but supportive, and steady man who paid attention to the things Lance said. The one who wasn’t afraid of giving him a stern look when he let the whirlwinds of pettiness and fear and insecurity leak out and bite at those who walked by. 

“Lance, you’re so much better than that. You’re gonna be a world famous pilot, aren’t you, Blue?” Wise words that came from lips Lance counted himself lucky to kiss a thousand times a day. Lips that smiled for him. Sometimes. 

“I will,” Lance hummed into Shiro’s skin. Their pensive dreamy voices blunting the edge of criticism as Shiro laid his head against Lance’s own, their legs tangled together under blankets that were just a little too warm. “I’ll be the best,” Lance murmured. 

Bad habits.

Lance prided himself on being adaptable, someone able to come in and fill a role of any kind--malleable enough that he could hold someone’s place for them until they returned. Seamlessly keeping things together for long enough to let the right piece come back in and get the machine moving properly again. A bandage. Slapped over wounds time and time again to keep the tension low enough, to keep the negative attention on him, to bear the weight of the stress no one else could quite see. And now, he realised that this time, what he had thought was something for himself, was just like every other time.

He was a bandage. A thin barrier against the dangers of the world as Shiro and Keith mended themselves together again. He saw it in the moments Keith looked lost, like he didn’t know quite what to say. When Keith’s fire burned a little too high and he desperately searched for Shiro despite himself--those years in the desert coming back and that life of isolationism taking a toll on his psyche as being around too many people caused his breath to catch. 

So Lance would crack a joke and revel in the groans and lighthearted swats while Shiro reached out for Keith. He smiled as best he could when Keith began to reach back again.

The darkness of Shiro’s disappearance came out in nightmares and moments of far seeing sightless eyes. Lance held him tightly at first, trying to take all of Shiro’s pain and his guilt. The pain of the memories of what he faced as a prisoner and the guilt of all the loose ends he left to rot in his absence. However, as time went on, as Shiro opened up to him and all Lance heard was _Keith,_ he began to let go. 

A bandage.

So he made sure to take the attention. He played his part. He fell into it easier than he expected to. Sure, the emotions were lagging and he was too weak to say no to Shiro ever, much less when Shiro said his name with such misguided reverence and a kiss. But he knew what he needed to do. What his role was. 

Keith needed Shiro. Shiro needed Keith. Lance was a stand in. Physical soothing. And that was okay. 

As time passed, Lance noticed that Shiro started to look between him and Keith. Spending more and more time with each one of them alone--the time they all spent together growing scarce as he all but pasted a sign across Keith’s forehead. “Mine.”

Bad habits.

“Stop destroying yourself,” Hunk begged him quietly one night, when he couldn’t turn a blind eye anymore and finally let Lance know he could hear him crying. “I’m your best friend, man. You mean so much to me. You have this bad habit of thinking you’re not really worth it. You’re always putting others above yourself, and that’s something I’ve admired about you for so long--but you have to take the time to love yourself too. You’re so much more than you think you are, Lance. You’re so much better.”

“Thanks, man. That means a lot to me.” And it did. It meant the world. But habits didn’t die so easily. 

And it didn’t die. He saw them smiling more. The weight easing from their shoulders and the light back in their eyes. They were healing and that filled him with pride and purpose. That made him feel like so much more because he was a part of them now. His time, love, and care that had helped them. Above all he was grateful and proud of his handiwork. Their healing and their trust and love for eachother a reward. But this one hurt more than usual, Lance admitted. He didn’t want to give Shiro up. Not Shiro. 

But you have to, for Keith, the storm crackled in the back of his mind. 

And for Shiro, it crackled again.

He was drowning, but it was worth it for the people he cared about. 

And that brought him here.

“Can I ask why?” Shiro’s voice was usually so steady, but here it cracked. Lance couldn’t help but flinch at the sound. This didn’t happen. People were usually all too eager to take advantage of what Lance offered. Easily forgetting his name as he left them a part of him and slipped away. 

“Y’know, I’m not sure if I’m ready for something serious. Commitment freaks me out,” Lance chuckled. “I swear, you and Keith are like hyper focused super committed,” His voice dropped. “I don’t know, man.” Lance shrugged noncommittally. 

“Why are you talking about Keith?” Shiro’s voice sounded the way Lance’s mouth tasted. Bitter. 

Lance paused, the little tendrils he let slip began to bite into thoughts and his tongue as the lightning struck hot and triumphant in his stomach. 

“No reason, you guys are just really alike, that’s all. Super compatible.” Lance threw his hands out wide as he smothered the words crawling through the muddy water he swallowed back down his throat. “I mean, it’s like looking at two peas in a pod! You’ve both totally got it together and you’re both top tier hot and stuff--hard not to notice how good you look together.”

“Lance, I don’t thi--”

“And you’re both so cool and I’ve seen the way you look at each other, I’ve seen the way you look at him.” Lance could hear his voice escalating in speed and pitch. Despite his intent to give it away, his fingers twisted in the fabric of the jacket and the hangnail he had on his index finger was beginning to pull away on the hems and bleed and it _hurt._ At least, some part of him registered that it did.

“Lance!” And suddenly Shiro’s arms were around him. No! The hurricane roared, hauling Lance with it as it pulled away from the soothing movements of Shiro rubbing his back and pressing soft kisses against his face. “Lance, no, this isn’t what you think it is. It never was.” 

“I don’t believe you,” Lance wept before he could stop himself. The tumultuous waves pushing through. It filled his chest and spilled into his lungs, surging up from where it was trapped in his guts as the thought of losing Shiro forced him to purge all the frothing seafoam bloating his mind. 

“Why don’t you trust me?” Shiro asked quietly. Lance froze, teeth tearing into his lips. Even so, he couldn’t find it in himself to confess the truth, that he felt so utterly unworthy and could not bring himself to trust Shiro because of how kind he was. How giving he was.

“You care too much about me,” Lance smiled through the pain, lip raw. “I can’t take this.” His voice was muffled against Shiro’s unyielding grasp. “Please, Shiro let me go,” the raging waters began to calm, soothed by Shiro’s desperate hold and husky voice. 

“Lance, you don’t understand all that you’ve done for me. What you’ve done for Keith.”

And the storm roared back to life, rearing it head and screeching its anger. “I haven’t done anything,” Lance hissed, hackles raised. “Don’t lie to me.” The lightning crackled against his skin.

“Are my affections for you so trivial to you that you can’t even believe me when I’m telling you the truth? Talk to me. Listen to what I’m saying. Lance, do you think I’m lying to you?” Shiro’s voice was level, his words falling like stones into the ocean of Lance’s mind. The ripples they caused somehow taming the riptide that Lance had struggled for so long to swim against. 

“That’s not it,” Lance said shortly. His shoulders slumped forward and his forehead rested against Shiro’s chest. He could hear the rapid anxious heartbeat desperately trying to resonate with his own equally frantic pulse. “I’m just,” he sucked in a deep breath, the air forcing its way through the waters that clogged his lungs. “I’m just not enough. Keith is enough. You are enough. This is for our own good.”

Shiro’s arms did not let him go as they warmed each other. It’s funny, they planned on meeting at the park because they had discussed wanting to see the trees in the cool crisp weather. It was as beautiful as they expected. Over Lance’s ruffled hair, Shiro could probably spot the flowers they’d come to see. Lance trembled in his arms, shaking like the leaves that fluttered in the wind. He was too cold. They should’ve gone to a museum or something. Yeah. There was an aviation exhibit. Or a restaurant. They both loved Indian food. Lance shook his head to rid it of even more what ifs. A restaurant wouldn’t afford them the tentative privacy they’d been blessed with. The privacy that allowed Lance to bring this up. The privacy that Shiro's body language told Lance he quietly resented. 

“That’s bullshit.” Shiro ground out, dismissing all thoughts of what could have been to address what was happening now. His eyes found Lance’s easily. “I’m not going to let you go because you can’t see how much you mean to me. Because you’re scared.” 

“And why is my fear not valid?” Lance demanded. “You and Keith. It’s always been that way and what hope do I have?”

“Why do you think of Keith as a threat?” 

Bad Habits.

“Because he’s better.” The answer came too quickly for Shiro’s liking.

“Lance, I am not going to understand if you won’t talk to me.”

Lance rolled his eyes at that. “Yeah, like I can even talk to you anymore. Half the time you’re off with Keith by yourselves and the other half we’re having sex.” Lance tasted the bitterness because that wasn’t right. They’d spent time cuddling on the couch and talking about plants for hours just two days ago. Lance’s lips twisted as he tried to rationalize what he was saying and what he really meant. He shook his head and smiled in a way he hoped was reassuring until he remembered that Shiro couldn’t see his face. “I’m just a body, man.” Still not quite there, but it would have to do he supposed. He felt a slight twinge in his ass, a small reminder of just how he would always be ready to welcome Shiro. Lance always wanted to take on all of his pain. Even now. 

Although his position as a replacement for Keith seemed so obvious to Lance, the suggestion struck his boyfriend like lightning. Shiro shook his head as if to ward off a blow, chest heaving with hurt and an unvoiced frustration. “How could you think that way?” The pounding behind Lance’s ears barely drowned out the part of him that begged to stop whatever this was. “Why can’t you see how much I love you?” 

Keith and Shiro flashed in and out of his mind before swiftly being replaced with his own reflection. The image smudged and water flecked by the persistent rains. 

“Because if I don’t deserve you then how can you love me? Because you are so far above me. I’m just a temporary fix. It just doesn’t make any sense.” Worship of another to tear down oneself. Shiro knew the feeling.

As if realising what he’d said, Lance bit his bottom lip as if to sew his mouth shut. His hands, though awkwardly wedged between their bodies, found a way to come together in a vice over his mouth. God, he hated how he was so easy. How this self piteous maelstrom trapped him so easily and sucked in other people. Stripped his flesh and laid him bare.

Shiro didn’t speak, pulling away and simply waiting for his still-boyfriend to continue as their gazes met and his eyes bore deep into Lance’s own. As if he was trying to look further into the depths of what was once thought to be a clear and shallow lake. He looked thoughtful. A mimicry of those times when Lance would ask him a frivolous question and he would take a full ten minutes to answer as earnestly as possible. That always made Lance feel warm inside. “Talk to me.” Shiro’s voice was soft, pleading. 

Lance’s own voice cracked underneath the weight of the words he tried to say and all he could manage was a muffled “Shiro, I-I can’t. I’m sorry,” instead. 

“Try,” The word rung with a desperation that Lance only heard when he held Shiro under the watchful moon and its contemplative stare. “Lance, we can work through this.”

“Why do you want to?” The frozen edges of his words startled even himself. “I’m not worth it. I can’t do anything right,” He smiled as convincingly as he could. He was good at this, he reminded himself. He did this all the time.

“Because I love you.” 

“What about Keith?” Lance demanded. 

“What about Keith?” Shiro asked, voice just as dry as Lance’s was wet. The lanky boy paused as he felt the tears beginning to fall. When had he started crying? In a public place? How embarrassing. 

“I’m not an idiot,” Lance snapped, not dwelling on the burning on his cheeks. Yes you are, the billowing winds called mockingly. 

“You’re not an idiot, Lance. But what do you want me to say?” Shiro asked quietly, looking at Lance through his lowered lashes. Oh, Shiro was crying too. “Keith means so much to me. He is so important. He and I have been together for so long.” 

“And I know that. Which is why I’m doing this.” For the first time in a while, the smile came easily. It was natural. It felt genuine. “Shiro, you don’t understand how much I love you. How much that love has extended to that dumb mullethead.” Lance’s voice was sharp, but the nickname radiated warmth despite itself. “You are both such good, strong, and beautiful people. I just want you to be happy together.” Lance’s heart swelled and that cleared his mind of the storm. Helped him sort through his emotions and gave him a purpose. “Keith,” he took in a deep breath before continuing. “Keith is special. He needs you, and you need him. And that’s okay. It’s more than okay.” Lance’s tears hadn’t stopped but he didn’t stop ignoring them either. 

“But he’s not you. Why are you acting like there’s no space in my life for you? Keith isn’t my boyfriend. You are.” Shiro’s words were laced with something accusatory. Frustration maybe? Exasperation definitely. “Why are you leaving me because of him?” 

“I’m not leaving you!” Lance said hastily, hands reaching out to cup Shiro’s face. Shiro leaned into his touch, still trying so hard to bridge the gap that Lance was so determined to create. “We’ll still be friends!” The look on Shiro’s face told Lance that the tepid offer wasn’t nearly enough. 

“What is it about Keith? Why are you so obsessed with him and our relationship? Are you in love with him? Is that why? You want someone whole?” The words burst out of Shiro like a tornado ripping through and blowing against the howling winds in Lance’s own mind, bringing them both to a quiet standstill. His metal hand clenched into a fist, trembling in the open air. The empty park around them kept moving. Birds chirped as they bathed in shallow lake water and bugs lazily floated by as they stood staring at each other. The breeze gave them no pity as it bit their cheeks lightly in passing.

Heaving a heavy sigh, as if swallowing the words he obviously did not expect to say, Shiro reached up to rub soothing circles on Lance’s wrists. “God, I love you so much, but I feel like the harder I hold on the more you run away from me. The less you want me.” He twisted his head, his lips brushing Lance’s palm. “The reason Keith and I started spending more time alone is because he felt like he was intruding on our time together.” At Lance’s confused grimace, Shiro plowed onward. “Don’t get me wrong. I care about you both and I’m sure Keith wants to spend more time with you too, but spending more time with you one on one always sounds good to me. And honestly, I was a little jealous that you were always trying so hard to impress him.” Shiro’s voice had eased into something more sheepish. “I should’ve talked to you about it. I should have said something. I’m sorry.”

Lance, usually so keen to fill empty space with words and jokes, couldn’t think of anything to say. Shiro, the one who always tried to be so strong and had always been so strong for him was laying himself bare. 

“No. That’s not it at all. I’m sorry. I want you. Really I do.” Lance said finally. “I-I.” The hands that still held Shiro’s face grew more confident as he sifted through the mental mess the hurricane had left behind. The hang nail that was still bleeding caught lightly on Shiro’s stubble. This time, though, Lance could really truly feel the ache. Having a focal point was relieving to the blue eyed boy. The first time he would ever be caught dead with a hangnail would be the time the pain of it provided comfort to him. He almost rolled his eyes. Classic. 

Shiro waited patiently, gaze still trained on Lance but without the fierceness and fear that had riddled his expression before. Instead, he watched with curiosity and a need to understand. As the silence persisted, he sighed. “Lance I’m not infallible.” Obviously. “Keith isn’t either. You know that more than anyone. We’re both sharp and struggle to resolve things on our own. But with you...” A sigh rippled through all of the muscles everyone so admired. 

“Our relationship is better off because of you. The levity and warmth you bring has helped Keith grow by leaps and bounds. You challenge him. You goad him to reach a potential he and I both thought he abandoned. Keith cares about you so much.” Lance couldn’t hold back the disbelieving snort. Despite the situation, Shiro laughed and pressed a soft kiss to the top of his boyfriend’s head. “And yes, he’s absolutely terrible at showing it. But, Lance. He is doing so much better because he knows you.” When Lance moved to look away, Shiro’s hand held his chin in a firm grasp, but not so hard it would bruise. As he did everything. “He’s going through a lot and been through so much more than he’s told you. You help him move forward. But right now isn’t about Keith. Lance, do you know what you’ve done for me?” 

“No,” Lance answered honestly, his mouth itched with the need to say something to alleviate what he knew was a pressure he could not undo alone. What a pair they made. A couple holding each other while breaking up in the chilly air of an empty park. The sun had begun to set and the lamps were flickering on, but still, neither of them moved. It felt like the park had afforded them a sanctuary to resolve this, the wind kissing the top of the lake as it blew by.

“Lance, you move me. You open me up to emotions, thoughts, and hopes I never had before.” For a moment, Lance forgot to breathe, only able to take in the serious gaze and warm tones of his boyfriend’s confession. “You brighten my day with your jokes and your willingness to do something goofy to make me smile.” A soft kiss to his temple accompanied the words and sent shivers straight down Lance’s spine. “Your selflessness,” Shiro’s thumb swept across Lance’s lip. “The way that you wrap around me with all of your being and how you hold me when I can’t sleep at night,” Shiro’s lips replacing his thumb before the larger man pulled away again. “Your ability to plow on with your life with other people always in the forefront of your mind. Though I think you could do with more self love.” This statement was paired with a hard stare before Shiro shook his head and continued. “The wit people forget about because you’d rather accept a good ribbing for the fun of it. I love you so much for all of it.” 

Lance finally acknowledged the tears and wiped them away. Rubbing at the stubborn salt sticking to his skin. Shiro took in his boyfriend’s expression before pulling him back into his chest and opening his mouth. “Lance, you may not be part of my past and we may not have the history that Keith and I do, but I don’t know you like Hunk does. And I would be lying if I said that didn’t bother me sometimes.” A low cough reverberated through their bodies at that. Lance had the decency to look sheepish as he tried to hide his surprise.

“I’m not expecting you to suddenly be over this, like I won’t suddenly be over how I can’t help but think that your gaze lingers just too long on Keith for my taste.” At this, Lance choked out a laugh into Shiro’s chest. Hilarious, that they would both be so worried that they would lose each other to the same person. Keith, who they both paid so much attention to because he was still so alone and was trying so hard to find a place for himself. Keith who deserved better than being built up as a threatening goal and stripped of his humanity as the embodiment of their misplaced insecurity. A complicated man who was more than anger and hurt. They both owed their friend an apology, it seemed.

“Shiro, I don’t feel like I deserve you because you’re so strong. You can make decisions and everyone admires you. For good reason. You work hard, always focused on discipline and bettering yourself. Sometimes you smile at me, you make me feel like I’m your whole world.” Lance couldn’t contain his grin, but it softened as he started again. “You hide your pain,” Lance’s eyes flickered to the prosthetic before coming back to stare hard at Shiro. “I don’t want you to. You’re strong, but you don’t always have to be. You’re always working hard to better yourself but I want to be there to hold you when it’s all you can do to get through each day.’ Lance smiled weakly. “Shiro, you drive me to be _more. _You give me support and you encourage me.”__

“So let me stay with you. We’re better together.” Shiro voiced what they both wanted. The words carving into their skin as they kissed softly.

“You don’t have to deal with this, Shiro,” Lance murmured into his skin. “You shouldn’t have to. This is all me.”

“No it’s not. This is something we will deal with together. We will work through it and communicate and grow together as great couples like us are wont to do. Plus, you’re not the only who was jealous.” Lance laughed at Shiro’s words, tears abating. “You are so important to me, I’m not going to let you go.”

“I don’t know if I could have really given you up,” Lance admitted, sniffling. “I’m sorry for doing this. Especially right before our anniversary? That’s like, a cardinal sin!” 

“Well you gave it your best try,” Shiro chuckled, voice husky. “Look, Lance. I’m not expecting everything to be fixed right off the bat. We both obviously need to work on this. I know you struggle, and I do too. We should talk about it. I don’t ever want you to feel like you’re not good enough for me.”

“And I never want you to feel guilty for being human. Though I can’t say that the idea of you being jealous is a complete turn off,” Lance said, feigning innocence. He swooned, “Ah, but who could I ever want with such a beautiful man at my side?” Shiro took his weight as he dropped backward dramatically, hand swept up against his forehead and his eyes closed. Within seconds one popped open to sweep over Shiro’s form. “Yup, couldn’t want anyone else.”

Shiro laughed with his whole body as he lifted Lance up and set him back onto his feet. “Would you do me the honor of letting me escort you home?” He offered his hand and raised a brow thoughtfully before his voice dropped to the note he knew made Lance’s heart thud. “Little Blue?”

Lance shivered exaggeratedly and bumped their shoulders, fingers weaving together as they walked. “Lead the way, Hero.” It was Shiro’s turn to shiver as they both took in the sight of the flowers they’d ignored. Going home. Together. They’d make it work.

***

They stumbled over the threshold like a pair of teenagers getting ready to run away together. Their hands gripped tighter than before and they wore smiles relieved of a weight they had been too scared to voice until just about half an hour past. But when they kicked off their shoes and Shiro spun Lance through the entryway, it was almost like it never existed. Almost. It lingered in the tentative looks and bitten lips as they both tried to broach the subject.

“Shiro--”  
“Lance--”

And Lance dissolved into laughter under Shiro’s fond gaze. They lingered as Lance caught his breath. Shiro’s spartan apartment was obviously kept in order. The efficient furniture placement and sparse personal items mixed with some of Lance’s belongings. A shared favourite movie and an aviation booklet scattered here and there in the spots Shiro assigned them. They shrugged off their coats, Shiro automatically reaching out to take Lance’s jacket to hang it from a coat hook. He straightened it before turning to face Lance once more.

“Can I kiss you again?” Shiro asked suddenly. But it wasn’t so sudden they both supposed. 

Lance knew why he was asking. Knew that his fears of being used as a body to comfort were out in the open and that Shiro was trying to give him the option. Shiro was giving him control. So he took it.

“Shiro, if you don’t kiss me right now I will have you arrested.” And they both came together, socks sliding this way and that on the humble linoleum flooring of Shiro’s even humbler studio apartment. The lighting was poor, but it didn’t matter. Their touches felt new, like they’d both been washed clean as they smoothed hands over skin and pulled at clothing. 

“Wait,” Shiro sucked in air. He rested a clenched fist against the off white and undecorated wall the shoe stand leaned against. “Lance, I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this. I don’t want you just for sex. You’re so much more than just a body to keep me warm.” Though the elephant in the room was finally acknowledged, Shiro’s shoulders did not stiffen and Lance’s eyes did not dart away. They both stood casually, relaxed in each other’s presence. 

“I know. Besides, you’re the warm one,” Lance joked. “I’m always cold, remember?” And although Lance sounded comfortable, Shiro was nothing if not patient and Lance was nothing if not dismissive of his own thoughts and feelings. So Shiro waited until Lance spoke up again. “I shouldn’t have said that before. You’ve never made me felt like I was just there for sex. It just, sometimes it doesn’t matter and you still feel that way, you know?” He shrugged as if that explained everything.

Shiro didn’t know, but he could understand. He knew what it was like to be used to achieve a goal. His prosthetic twitched and although Shiro didn’t acknowledge it, Lance did. Always observant, Lance brought Shiro’s metal hand up to his lips, kissing and licking as he paid tribute to the physical manifestation of Shiro’s trauma. “You’re so beautiful you know? Every part of you,” Lance whispered. 

“Lance, you don’t have to do this.” Shiro flinched mentally as his voice came out ten times higher than intended.

“So noble, my hero” Lance hummed against his palm. He knew that the prosthetic was sensitive. Advanced for something developed underground and haphazardly applied in some lonely bunker. “Thank you.” His eyes found Shiro’s and they both took a moment to drink each other in until Lance interrupted the silence as he did best. “But I’m going to be real, babe. Standing out in the cold and expecting to go home alone tonight has really put this in perspective. I can’t believe I almost let me talk myself into letting this go.” His eyes glittered with mischief as his free hand cupped Shiro’s groin and teased the half hard length hidden beneath khakis and what Lance knew was a very soft cotton polyester blend. He’d picked them out himself.

“Ngghh, Lance.” The groan leaked out before he could stop it, but Shiro mustered up every last bit of the patience and focus he had in him. “I don’t want you try and solve this with sex.” His hips still humped softly against Lance’s hand. It looked like Shiro was human after all.

“This isn’t something that will be fixed with sex, and I know that,” Lance said a little impatiently. “And I don’t think that my fears will go away completely any time soon, but right here, right now, I’m happy. All I’m thinking about is how much I love you. And maybe how much I want you inside of me.” He searched for hesitation in Shiro’s gaze. When he found none, he brought the metal hand to the cleft of his ass and pressed the fingertips inward. 

Shiro’s eyes widened almost comically as his brain creakily pieced together that Lance had a buttplug in his ass. He stared at his boyfriend in shock, taking in the shit eating grin and the smug look. “You expected to go home alone?” Shiro asked, brow raised in obvious disbelief. 

Lance shrugged in response. “I held out hope that there might be break up sex. You know, one last time.” Shiro growled, hefting Lance into his arms. 

“Well, we are not breaking up.”

“And yet, there is still sex. Ah, the wonders of true love.”

Shiro swallowed the rest of his words as they made their way to the bed tucked in the corner of the room. Not for the first time, they were grudgingly grateful that Shiro apparently couldn’t afford to have the doors and walls necessary for a proper bedroom. No walls or hallways to get in their way, they easily rolled in each other’s arms upon reaching their destination. Shiro pinned Lance beneath him, pressing their hips together. “Talk to me, little blue.” He mouthed encouragements into Lance’s neck and licked a stripe along the sharp collarbone. “We haven’t talked enough. I want to hear you.” His teeth aggravated the flesh he’d been navigating and Lance keened.

“I want you to mark me. I want everyone to know that belong with you...that you belong with me,” Lance babbled, air a hot commodity as he couldn’t quite find a way to get it into his lungs. “Make it so I can’t forget.” And although Lance was the one with the praise kink, Shiro was eager to please. 

“Don’t worry,” Shiro said thoughtfully. His teeth and tongue pulling at a the smooth skin where Lance’s long neck and hard shoulder came together. “After tonight, you won’t be able to forget if you tried.” His hips paused, pulling away as Lance desperately sought the friction he’d been so cruelly denied. “Patience, blue,” Shiro cooed, one hand coming to hold Lance down as the other ripped off the gifted jacket and lifted the blue and white shirt up and off of Lance’s lithe body. He granted Lance one rock of the hips before sitting up to strip himself of his shirt and divest them both of their pants. “There you are. Aren’t you so much more comfortable now?” 

Lance looked anything but, squirming to run his hands over every inch of Shiro’s body. His nimble fingers dipped into the cut of muscle and groped at Shiro’s thighs before eagerly palming at the thick and leaking cock laying heavy on his stomach. “God, babe. I can’t wait to have you inside me--ahhhh,” his suggestive expression crumbling as he whined. Shiro had reached back and pulled at the plug settled inside of him. Not fair, he thought. So he told Shiro so. 

“And how is it any more fair that you and I were having a fight while you had this inside you instead of me? I can forgive you for everything we talked about, but you’re going to have to make up for this,” Shiro said teasingly, before easing the toy out of his boyfriend. He took no time, dipping his fingers inside to feel the lubed hole the toy had so kindly prepared for him. He sighed as he felt Lance’s penis harden against the flesh of his ass. 

“H-how can I make it up to you?” Lance groaned, eyes rolling back as Shiro stroked inside him. Shiro’s hands paused their ministrations, waiting inside of him and at the base of Lance’s cock as Shiro pretended to think. Lance pushed at his shoulders huffily and Shiro sat back, contemplating for almost a full minute before finally relenting. Shiro looked at him with a seriousness he did not expect and was not prepared for.

“Tell me when you feel worried. When you’re upset,” Shiro leaned over to leave a tender kiss and suck a new hickey on his neck. “Open up to me. Let me help you with your burden.” Lance nodded hurriedly, his hips raising to press the head of his waiting dick against the small of Shiro’s back, dribbles of cum sliding down his skin.

“I will, and you better do the same, mister” Lance moaned. “I’m always here for you.” Shiro nodded seriously as he shuffled backward on the bed, sitting back and pulling Lance up into his lap. The boy sat up quickly and grabbed a condom from the box Shiro insisted they keep by his bed. One ripped package, an unrolled rubber later, and Shiro hissed as Lance began to take him into his welcoming heat. 

“Fuck,” Lance whispered, biting the inside of his cheek as he rose up a little before rocking back down. More of Shiro’s cock stretching him wide as he settled flush against his boyfriend. They both took a moment to kiss as Lance lazily began to move. He ground against Shiro’s hips, wanting to be as close as possible when Shiro pulled out slightly and slammed back inside of him. And oh did that feel fucking good. So Lance wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s neck and Shiro took the initiative to fuck the ever-living hell out of him. Lance bounced in his lap and their breathing meshed together as their lips met again and again. The cool metal of Shiro’s hand pumping Lance’s dick, gentle as it smeared precome all over the shaft. 

“Fuck, you’re so tight.” Shiro groaned. The butt plug had done nothing to the muscles that sucked him in relentlessly. He pulled Lance’s hair, tilting his head back so he could lay open mouth kisses over Lance’s neck. Lance let out a long and throaty moan. 

“M-more, baby, more. Fuck me harder,” Lance pleaded, voice reminiscent of the tone he took when he was looking for attention. Shiro was weak to that voice and Lance knew it. He pulled out without warning, leaving Lance teary eyed and unsatisfied. “Shiro, I swear to god.” Shiro bit his tongue to keep from laughing at the attitude Lance threw around, choosing instead to put a hand on Lance’s chest and press him onto his back. Lance barely had a moment to let out another complaint before Shiro grasped his hips, lined them up, and took him roughly. Their flesh came together again and again with unforgiving slaps as they rocked the bed and each other.

Shiro’s almost prideful chuckle cut off into a moan as he humped into Lance deeper. Lance was as lanky as they came, and Shiro took a moment to appreciate his slender legs and lifted them by the ankles to rest on his shoulders. 

“Fuck,” Lance keened. “Shiro, oh my god. I love you, babe.” Lance hummed, unable to do much other than writhe as Shiro fucked him deep and strong; marking him the same way his teeth were planting another hickey onto his shoulder. 

Romantic whispers were swept away by moans and demands for more. Light huffs and drawn out whines echoed back at them as their voices steadily increased in volume and their lovemaking increased in intensity. Soon enough their movements became erratic, hips coming together more frequently and forcefully as they chased the peak of ecstasy together. 

“Lance, I love you so much. I fucking love you,” Shiro panted, hands back on Lance hips. He rutted into Lance so fast that the barely there responsible side of him was worried the condom was going to come off. But all of those thoughts flew away as Lance reached out to pull him close. Shiro leaned over Lance, practically bending him in half as he pounded against his prostate. He felt his balls tense and Lance’s ass clench before they both let out a series of harmonious moans. Shiro continued to thrust, fucking Lance desperately as they both rode out their orgasms. 

Their chests heaved as they both caught their breath, Shiro laying his weight on Lance as his dick softened. He pushed himself up onto his forearms to take in the aftermath and was rewarded handsomely. Lance looked like a dream. His hair stuck to his cheek with sweat and Shiro could see every single claim he’d laid into Lance’s flesh. Good. Satisfied with what he saw, Shiro pulled out. He tied off the condom before wiping them both off with a tissue from the tissue box he kept next to the condom box. Lance always ribbed him for his meticulous organization, but neither Lance nor Shiro ever had to clean cum out of or off of themselves, so Shiro tended to brush off his boyfriend’s half-hearted complaints. He tossed the waste into the bin near his night stand and settled on his side, pulling Lance back up against him to spoon. 

“Shiro?” Lance voice was soft, even in the quiet of the otherwise empty apartment. 

“Yeah?” 

“I won’t hold onto my pain and insecurities like that again.” 

“I won’t let you.” 

“We’ll share from now on, right?”

“Yeah. We’ll work on it together.”

Bad habits were always hard to get rid of, so good habits just had to be learned in their place.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> I hope that this was as relieving for you to read as it was for me to write.  
> I never intended for it to get this big, and it frustrates me even now that it did.  
> However, I wanted to write this for myself. To give me and the ship I love so much some validation.  
> If you like Shance as much as I do (or more or less! Even if you are just a slight shance lover!) please talk to me on twitter @sugayiffer  
> Please let me know what you think if you feel so inclined.  
> I just realized that in hindsight this fic is just a really long arduous subtweet toward all the fics I found frustration in. Thanks for giving me motivation to write something.


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